Retro Redneck Voracious B-Girls Do Everyone They Can, Vol. 5 - Paperback

The Egyptian tarot reader's first prediction has come true: Helen Bishop has survived a shipwreck... Supreme Court Justice, Madame Koolista, returns to New York City destitute after the grifter, Johnny Behen, steals her life savings aboard the Titanic. To make some quick money, Madame Koolista turns to the world's oldest profession.... Helen and her chauffeur, Chalmers, head for Buffalo in an open Lozier touring car during a violent rainstorm... Her husband, Dickhead, shows up while she's in bed with Chalmers... By the time the Bishops arrive home in Dowagiac, Michigan, Helen is suffering from extreme depression. Chalmers suggests a vacation in California.... In Hollywood, an earthquake - the second tarot prediction rocks Hollywood, and Helen finds herself in bed with a vile silent porno producer. Helen's fears are aggravated. The final tarot predicted Helen would die in an automobile accident.

On the trip back to Dowagiac, the Bishops and Chalmers stop off at the Coral Court Motel, where the promiscuous Helen reunites with Brandon Assman, who has walked out of the Zorro Ranch where he was being held after having been assaulted by an ICE agent...Helen goes crazy after she, Dickhead, and Chalmers return to Dowagiac. Now pregnant, Helen attacks her husband and is sentenced to nine months in jail... She's more messed up than ever by the time she's released... Trying to lift Helen's spirits during a harsh winter, Dickhead suggests attending a swingers' party in Kalamazoo. Later, on the way home with Harlet Licknutts and Dr. Eatmie, there's a terrible automobile accident.

The lunacy is on... In these sexy screwball comedies, the played-out drama has nothing to do with earthquakes or hurricanes. The natives are restless. They indulge in personal pleasures of the most intimate variety, such as drinkin', whorin', cheatin', and prevaricatin'. And, by God, nobody had better tell them they can't. The ladies only use their privacy parts when they must, which is most of the time.