Dementia Widow: A Memoir about Love, Death, and Survival - Paperback

The medical system took twelve years to reluctantly agree with Fay Martin that her husband was sliding into dementia. Even after he died three years later, people still questioned the diagnosis. This is a book about what happens behind that veil of invisibility.

Dementia Widow exposes, with courage and candor, the poison that seeps in, as a healthy reciprocal marriage becomes inexplicably hierarchical. Only when dementia is recognized as the villain does the relationship morph to offer the loving caregiving that enables a good final chapter.

When the final loss came, Fay felt relief, followed quickly by guilt that she wasn't grieving "properly" and resentment that the years of invisible grief were unrecognized. Since then, she has brazenly reclaimed her life and written this book to retrace the years and find insights that Fay now offers as a guide to others who are caregiving for a loved one with dementia, and those who support them. The tenets of good caregiving (and a good life), which became crisp and clear during a trip to the Netherlands five years after her husband's death, and are woven throughout this book: Nurture independence. Find joy and purpose every day. Live till you die.