Deeper: An Anti-Memoir - Hardcover

Ryan James Abraham spent fourteen years becoming someone else. As HungerFF, he built one of the most recognized independent brands in adult entertainment, an empire of extremity conceived, filmed, edited, and sold by one man from a condo in South Florida. The persona made him famous in rooms most people never see. It also nearly erased the person who created it. Deeper: An Anti-Memoir is the story of the man underneath.Told in sixty unflinching chapters across five movements (Freefall, Vices, Breaks, Drift, Climb), Deeper refuses every convention of the celebrity memoir. There is no tidy recovery, no ghostwriter, no apology tour. There is a kid from Florida raised on chaos, a family that fractured and kept fracturing, an industry that consumed him and remade him, and a body pushed past every limit it was given. There are overdoses and hospital rooms, marriages and exiles, a dog with a broken heart in both senses, and a grandmother who stayed when no one else did. Abraham writes about ambition and addiction with the same flat, forensic honesty, then turns that honesty on himself hardest of all.The anti-memoir of the title is not a gimmick. Where memoir promises meaning, Deeper offers evidence. Where memoir builds toward redemption, Deeper asks a harder question: when you split yourself in two to survive, which half is real? The answer arrives slowly, across decades and state lines and stage names, and it is not the one the genre usually permits.A #1 Amazon bestseller in LGBTQ Memoirs, recommended by Kirkus Reviews and read in more than a dozen countries within weeks of release, Deeper has drawn praise from the unlikeliest corners of American media, from shock jocks to podcasters to the leather archives. It is a book about the cost of self-invention, written by someone who paid it in full.For readers of unvarnished queer nonfiction, addiction narratives that refuse sentimentality, and anyone who has ever built a mask so good it started answering to their name.